To much brain to contain

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions. Yesterday my sweet hubby and daughter got me a great gift, A book called "Conquer Chiari: A Patient's guide to the Chiari Malformation" by Rick Labuda. It is by far the best resource I have found when it comes to understanding my condition. I plan to have some of my family read through it too. It talks a lot about how important awareness is, and it brought up some very interesting facts that helped me understand just how important it is to educate people about Chiari Malformations (CM). In the US approximately 300,000 people suffer from Chiari, whereas 200,000 suffer from MS. What is so weird to me is how virtually everyone has heard of MS and it is effecting less people then CM, but no one has heard of it. Part of what is so scary about CM is the unknown and unfamiliar terms. Although once diagnosed you become very familiar with them, the general public is not. It makes it hard for people to understand. When you hear about someone with Cancer, there is a clear picture of what it is and how it is treated. It makes it easy for people to relate to the hardships and struggles that person is going though. With CM there is no clear picture, and makes it hard to understand what they are going through.

I hope my blog will help people truly understand what life is like for a CM patient. It is not a road I would have chosen for myself, but I look forward to the strength and courage it will give me along the way. Last night I had an absolute breakdown. I was reading through the book and saw a picture of how they position you for surgery and it finally sunk in that it was really happening to me. I was so terrified at that moment that I couldn’t contain myself. I reached out to my Facebook family and got an overwhelming response from people thinking and praying for me. Giving me words of wisdom and courage. It helped so much, to hear people tell me how much they cared for me. Then I got a private message from an old friend who got a hard diagnosis a year and half ago.  It stopped me dead in my tracks of fear and reminded me that no matter how hard of a time you are going though, someone is always dealing with something worse. I am not belittling my hardship, but it helped me see the big picture again. I needed that so badly. I came away from that breakdown with a renewed since of strength and willingness to fight CM. 

There is a beautiful worship song called “His Love” by Jake Rau that has given me peace throughout this experience. The verse that helps me the most reads:

He knows your heart, He knows your name
And when you hurt He’s felt the pain
Forever He will sustain
Until you find in His arms again…
His Love…

You tube the song, it is truly touching. It has really made me thankful for the sacrifice Jesus made for each and every one of us. I know how scared I was, and I can’t imagine taking not only my pain, but the pain of everyone in the world. What a miracle. I am so thankful for my savior and the love and grace he shows me every day. I am so thankful for the chance I have to show people who the love of God can help us through and adversity thrown our way.  I hope to give you all hope that no matter what happens in life, you are never alone. Please subscribe to my blog if you are following, I really like to know who I am talking to, but even if this blog helps one person it is worth it.